Treat him like a King, and he will treat you like a Queen.
I love this quote, “A great marriage is not so much finding the right person, as it is in being the right person.”
Saturday marks Bill and my Fifty-First Wedding Anniversary and the close of this series on marriage. I must admit I’ve lost count of how many ways we’ve covered this year. I hope you have found inspiration and ways to cope and embrace life as you read of our adventure through marriage. Bill and I have grown old together and find we are sitting in the proverbial rocking chairs on the porch.
We’ve come a long way and been through a lot, but we hold hands and reminisce our struggles. We laugh at ourselves and how foolish we were sometimes to get upset over petty things. We agree how grateful we are to have shared and thrived during the times of serious troubles. Together we survived our toddlers, teenagers, our finances, health issues, and painful losses. We agree we couldn’t have made it alone. Thankfully, God was there to see us through.
I ‘ve shared with you the resources and authors that were my mentors during the early years: The Art of Homemaking by Daryl V. Hoole and Fascinating Womanhood by Helen B. Andelin. Today I share with you my favorite The Total Woman by Marabel Morgan. It’s tempting to fill this post with her quotes, but I’ll try to refrain, (as much as I can anyway).
Here are some basic principles she teaches:
1) The $25,000.00 Plan
Getting Organized is Morgan’s first suggestion. Without a plan, you will be frazzled, and your home will not be a castle. Follow Charles Schwab’s famous plan: Make a list of everything you have to do tomorrow and prioritize what must be done first. In the morning start with number one and keep at it through the day. You may not complete your list, but you will have accomplished the most important.
2) Interior Decorating:
- How do you look on the inside? Patient, Kind, Gentle, Tenderhearted? We can’t help how we feel, but we can help how we respond to those feelings.
- Remember: Happiness is a choice.
- I believe attitude is eighty percent of the battle for anything we attempt, or face. My attitude affects the attitudes of those around me and gives me energy or zaps my energy. I believe if I can conquer my self-serving attitude, I can accomplish miracles. Rather if I allow God to conquer my attitude, He can accomplish miracles. I believe it is one of the ways He uses to heal us and I’m sure overcoming my attitude can apply to any of my issues. God says to rely on Him and “know that all things work together for good to them who love God and are called according to His purpose.”
3) Painting the House:
- How do you look on the outside?
- Remember when you first date and you checked your reflection to make sure your hair and make-up were just right before you stepped out the door? Or when you first married and woke up early to get the sleep out of your eyes and brush your teeth before that morning kiss?
Do you care how you are perceived? Or have you relaxed your efforts now that you’ve “got him?” How you look on the outside could be misleading. Do you look lazy? Dejected? Uncaring? I know looks aren’t everything, but they can give an unintended message. Besides when you look good you feel better. Don’t forget, hygiene is important.
- In this current age of easy divorce, don’t take your relationship for granted. Keep your hair shampooed and neat, trade those comfy jamies out for day clothes. Even in your sweatpants and a T-shirt, you can look put together. Check your breath and look for broccoli in your teeth. Don’t forget your deodorant. Remember your husband is exposed to women who dress up for work and wear perfume every day. Speaking of perfume and looks, how is the bedroom scene? Cluttered or inviting? Romantic?
4) Rocks in the Mattress:
- Ann Landers, a popular advice columnist from the sixties and seventies, once wrote that “when a marriage is on the rocks, there are usually rocks in the mattress.” The Sex was no longer the hushed subject it was in the fifties. Today, sex sells everything from cars to toilet paper, to razors and bacon. Our minds are bombarded with sexually explicit pictures and innuendos. Nothing is taboo. Why then do so many marriages have problems with sex?
- Too busy?
- Too tired?
- Children in the house?
Taking time out for self-care makes you a better employee, spouse, and parent. When you look and feel rested, you do a better job, and feel good about yourself. When you feel good about yourself, you can make your spouse feel good also. It’s hard to give of yourself when there’s nothing left to give. Rest is important. Sexual activity within your marriage is healthy too.
5) Super Sex:
- You may not think of yourself as the last of the red-hot lovers, but your husband wants to.
- Ever hear the saying, “Sex starts in the kitchen not the bedroom.”
- Little things early in the day set the mood for sex.
- Cook breakfast in a new nightshirt and heels.
- A suggestive smile in the morning, a whispered ‘can’t wait till tonight ‘
- Put a love note in his lunch or on the mirror where he shaves.
- Watch him leave and wave until he’s out of sight.
- Take a tent in the back yard after your kids go to sleep. Try the backseat of your car. Get creative.
- Lock the bedroom door and put a candle on the dresser. Spray your sheets with perfume or scented powder.
- Meet him at the door in a costume. The kids might think it’s funny, but he will get the message.
- Call and tell him you want him, that can’t wait for him to get home.
If you don’t want your husband to have a mistress, be like a mistress to him. The worse thing for a marriage is boredom. Morgan says, “Your husband wants a warm, comforting, and eager partner. If you’re stingy in bed, he’ll be stingy with you. If you’re available to him, you need not worry about him looking elsewhere. Fulfill him by giving him everything he wants, and he’ll give it back to you.”
Ideally, “Spiritually, for sexual intercourse to be the ultimate satisfaction, both partners need a personal relationship with God. When this is so, their union is sacred and beautiful and mysteriously the two blend perfectly into one.”
Marabel Morgan calls the first couple on earth the “Original Newlyweds”. God created them and “Because woman came out of man, he was incomplete without her, and she was incomplete without him. Thus, they had the urge to merge! This was God’s idea. What a great romantic. Afterall, he could have had them reproduce by rubbing noses! …The creator of sex intended for His creatures to enjoy it.”
6) Building Bridges:
- Reopen clogged lines of communication.
- Nagging is an irksome way to communicate.
- Talk don’t scold. He needs your ear, not your mouth.
- Listen to him, really listen. Show undivided attention when he’s talking.
In my last year of high school, as a Homemaking Project. I had to budget, shop, and prepare a three-course meal at home for my family and then write a report. My mom kept trying to tell me how, what, and when to do various aspects of the project. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. “Mom! Please!” I yelled. “I’m eighteen years old. Let me make my own mistakes!”
- After I married Bill, I realize I treated him like my mother. He is not a child. He is a grown man and even if I disagree with him, I need to let him make his own mistakes.
Morgan says the Total Woman has the power to:
- Revive romance! (get rocks out of your mattress)
- Reestablish communication. Plan the time and atmosphere, don’t bombard him when he first gets home, or while he’s in the middle of a ball game he’s been waiting to see.
- Breakdown barriers. Express your emotions gently in words, not in rants and not in tears.
- Turn the fizzle into sizzle! Remember, you set the mood.
Her claim that you can expect to see instant results in your marriage within twenty-four hours or less actually works. If you make the effort. (Keep in mind some men have anger issues and need counseling.)
- Get the book and read it with an open mind.
- Dare to complete the assignments using her principles found in the book.
- As you apply these principles note the changes you see in your spouse. Enjoy making him happy.
I’m not always the Total Woman I want to be.
- I still find myself nagging and tearful or angry. But overall, these principles always draw me back to a state of love and affection for my husband. I pray they will for you too.
I want to end with this quote from Marabel Morgan, “A total woman is a person in her own right. She has a sense of personal security, and self-respect. She is not afraid to be herself. Others may challenge her standards, but she knows who she is and where she is going.”
This may seem old fashioned advice, but don’t let society decide for you who you are.
Remember wherever you are you are at the right place when you come to my website and read my blog. Come on back and share a slice of life with me.