What is the key to celestial love? Be the kind of woman a man wants.
In her book Fascinating Womanhood, (published in 1963) Helen B. Andelin depicts the ideal woman as a blend of the Angelic—who she is on the inside, and the Human—what she does on the outside.
Helen B. Andelin says “If you learn the art of making a man feel like a man, you will learn the art of Fascinating Womanhood, and will earn his deepest love.” But how do you make your man feel like a man? She says, “Don’t try to change him, accept him as he is.”
You might think, “Easier said than done,” right? But think about it. What drew you to him in the beginning of your relationship? I think the real question to is how much do you love your husband? Is he the most important thing in your life next to God?
I wanted to understand Bill, to find out what made him happy. I wanted what I wanted and of course, he wanted what he wanted as well. At first it seemed a battle of the wills and neither of us could win. But after exploring books on marriage and self-improvement, I realized I was being self-centered. If I truly loved Bill with all my heart, and truly wanted my marriage to work, I would be willing to do anything to fix it. Andelin shares the story of another woman willing to do anything:
The Tiger’s Whisker, an OLD KOREAN TALE.
I love this tale
It’s the story of a woman who wanted a potion to change her husband. To make him love her more. The wise old sage said he could make such a potion, but it required the whisker of a living tiger that lived on the side of the mountain. The woman was so excited and determined that she waved any fear or concern for herself.
Night after night while her husband slept, she snuck out and took meat and rice to the tiger. She called softly, watching for the tiger to come to the opening of the cave. Each night, the tiger would move closer but would not eat the meat and rice. Patiently, she continued to come each night, trying to win the tiger’s trust and favor so she could get close to it and get the needed whisker. At last, one evening when she arrived, the tiger came close and this time, he ate the meat and rice. She stroked his large head gently.
Then, she bravely clipped the prized whisker.
She thanked the tiger for not being angry and ran back to the wise old sage. The sage examined the whisker and then threw it into the fire. Stunned, she doesn’t understand. He explained she had learned a valuable lesson. If she can show kindness, gentleness, and patience to a wild tiger to get what she wanted from him, she could win the trust and favor of her husband who already loves her.
Be the instigator of love in your relationship. Don’t wait for him to understand you.
Understand him. Get to know him, what he likes what he needs.
Show him he’s needed. My mother knew how to do so many things, that at times my dad felt like she didn’t need him. I wanted Bill to know I needed him. Even if I can do the job.
Admire him. Most women need to feel loved, but most men need to be admired. I like to hear the sweet words, I love you. But I know Bill likes to hear how much I admire him.
Respect him. He NEEDS this. We all need it, but like admiration, men can’t function without it.
Show appreciation for the little things. Even though you might think he should do chores around the house, do you thank him?
Bill shows his love in little things, like recently our ice maker broke. He never uses ice, but I love it, and was satisfied filling and refilling an ice tray. Then one day, I noticed a full bucket of ice in the freezer. He had bought a bag of ice for me. A little thing, but thoughtful. I felt loved. Now every time I get a glass of ice, I think of how much I love him. And I try to find some little something to do for him.
Accept him as he is. It is essential that a wife accept her husband for who he is today—not who she can change him into tomorrow.
Love him for who he is. After all, you want him to love you as you are, right?
Andelin tells the tragic true story of Russian Novelist, Count Leo Tolstoi, (War and Peace and Anna Karinina) and his wife Countess Sophia Tolstoi who he loved dearly in the beginning, writing her sweet love letters. He was a quiet man and after becoming a Christian, desired only simple life. He gave away much of the money from his books which Sophia couldn’t accept. She wanted a social life with all the luxuries those royalty checks would provide. She couldn’t accept Leo’s decision. He loved her and tried to make her happy, but her continued insistence that he should change, ruined their relationship. At the end of their forty-eight-year marriage, his dying request was that she not even be allowed to be in his presence. A sad commentary on the way so many marriages are headed today.
In her original book, Helen B. Andelin uses the characters Agnes and Dora from the classic literature works of Charles Dickens’ David Copperfield; Deruchette from Toilers of the Sea by Victor Hugo; and Amelia and Becky from Vanity Fair. (William Makepeace Thackeray 1847-1848) in an ongoing theme. She analysis these characters as examples of how her philosophy works.
With the decline of femininity in the wake of the 1960’s, Women’s liberation crusade, I was excited to discover the Fascinating Womanhood’s Movement is still alive and thriving today. Helen B. Andelin’s daughters have continued her legacy with a website: Fascinating Womanhood – The Official Site Fascinating Womanhood. Her eldest daughter, Dixie Andelin Forsyth, has written a follow-up book, Fascinating Womanhood for The Timeless Woman.
The original book’s concept is old fashioned, and is no longer in print. An updated version, called The Vintage Edition, is now available. I’m sure it was a bit difficult to swallow in this age of women’s lib, but when I found it in 1976, and put the basic principles to work it helped me. As a result, am living proof. Seeking God’s plan for men and women can bring love, happiness, and satisfaction to a marriage.
I couldn’t change Bill, I could only change myself. If I change, my response to those around me, they change. Good or bad, they must adjust in response to the new me. Praise God Bill’s response was a good one. But when you give of yourself, love is celestial, and if is celestial, it has to end up good.
Remember wherever you are, you are at the right place when you come to my website and read my blog. Come on back and share a slice of life with me.