I love this quote, “A great marriage is not so much finding the right person, as it is in being the right person.”

Saturday marks Bill and my Fifty-First Wedding Anniversary and the close of this series on marriage. I must admit I’ve lost count of how many ways we’ve covered this year. I hope you have found inspiration and ways to cope and embrace life as you read of our adventure through marriage. Bill and I have grown old together and find we are sitting in the proverbial rocking chairs on the porch.

We’ve come a long way and been through a lot, but we hold hands and reminisce our struggles. We laugh at ourselves and how foolish we were sometimes to get upset over petty things. We agree how grateful we are to have shared and thrived during the times of serious troubles. Together we survived our toddlers, teenagers, our finances, health issues, and painful losses. We agree we couldn’t have made it alone. Thankfully, God was there to see us through.

I ‘ve shared with you the resources and authors that were my mentors during the early years: The Art of Homemaking by Daryl V. Hoole and Fascinating Womanhood by Helen B. Andelin. Today I share with you my favorite The Total Woman by Marabel Morgan. It’s tempting to fill this post with her quotes, but I’ll try to refrain, (as much as I can anyway).  

Here are some basic principles she teaches:

1) The $25,000.00 Plan

Getting Organized is Morgan’s first suggestion. Without a plan, you will be frazzled, and your home will not be a castle. Follow Charles Schwab’s famous plan: Make a list of everything you have to do tomorrow and prioritize what must be done first. In the morning start with number one and keep at it through the day. You may not complete your list, but you will have accomplished the most important.

2) Interior Decorating:

• How do you look on the inside? Patient, Kind, Gentle, Tenderhearted? We can’t help how we feel, but we can help how we respond to those feelings.
  • Remember: Happiness is a choice.
  • I believe attitude is eighty percent of the battle for anything we attempt, or face. My attitude affects the attitudes of those around me and gives me energy or zaps my energy. I believe if I can conquer my self-serving attitude, I can accomplish miracles. Rather if I allow God to conquer my attitude, He can accomplish miracles. I believe it is one of the ways He uses to heal us and I’m sure overcoming my attitude can apply to any of my issues. God says to rely on Him and “know that all things work together for good to them who love God and are called according to His purpose.”

3) Painting the House:

• How do you look on the outside?
  • Remember when you first date and you checked your reflection to make sure your hair and make-up were just right before you stepped out the door? Or when you first married and woke up early to get the sleep out of your eyes and brush your teeth before that morning kiss?

Do you care how you are perceived? Or have you relaxed your efforts now that you’ve “got him?” How you look on the outside could be misleading. Do you look lazy? Dejected? Uncaring? I know looks aren’t everything, but they can give an unintended message. Besides when you look good you feel better. Don’t forget, hygiene is important.

• In this current age of easy divorce, don’t take your relationship for granted. Keep your hair shampooed and neat, trade those comfy jamies out for day clothes. Even in your sweatpants and a T-shirt, you can look put together. Check your breath and look for broccoli in your teeth. Don’t forget your deodorant. Remember your husband is exposed to women who dress up for work and wear perfume every day. Speaking of perfume and looks, how is the bedroom scene? Cluttered or inviting? Romantic?

4) Rocks in the Mattress:

• Ann Landers, a popular advice columnist from the sixties and seventies, once wrote that “when a marriage is on the rocks, there are usually rocks in the mattress.” The Sex was no longer the hushed subject it was in the fifties. Today, sex sells everything from cars to toilet paper, to razors and bacon. Our minds are bombarded with sexually explicit pictures and innuendos. Nothing is taboo. Why then do so many marriages have problems with sex?
  • Too busy?
  • Too tired?
  • Children in the house?

Taking time out for self-care makes you a better employee, spouse, and parent. When you look and feel rested, you do a better job, and feel good about yourself. When you feel good about yourself, you can make your spouse feel good also. It’s hard to give of yourself when there’s nothing left to give. Rest is important. Sexual activity within your marriage is healthy too.

5) Super Sex:

• You may not think of yourself as the last of the red-hot lovers, but your husband wants to.
  • Ever hear the saying, “Sex starts in the kitchen not the bedroom.”
  • Little things early in the day set the mood for sex.
  • Cook breakfast in a new nightshirt and heels.
  • A suggestive smile in the morning, a whispered ‘can’t wait till tonight ‘
  • Put a love note in his lunch or on the mirror where he shaves.
  • Watch him leave and wave until he’s out of sight.
  • Take a tent in the back yard after your kids go to sleep. Try the backseat of your car. Get creative.
  • Lock the bedroom door and put a candle on the dresser. Spray your sheets with perfume or scented powder.
  • Meet him at the door in a costume. The kids might think it’s funny, but he will get the message.
  • Call and tell him you want him, that can’t wait for him to get home.

If you don’t want your husband to have a mistress, be like a mistress to him. The worse thing for a marriage is boredom.  Morgan says, “Your husband wants a warm, comforting, and eager partner. If you’re stingy in bed, he’ll be stingy with you. If you’re available to him, you need not worry about him looking elsewhere. Fulfill him by giving him everything he wants, and he’ll give it back to you.”

Ideally, “Spiritually, for sexual intercourse to be the ultimate satisfaction, both partners need a personal relationship with God. When this is so, their union is sacred and beautiful and mysteriously the two blend perfectly into one.”

Marabel Morgan calls the first couple on earth the “Original Newlyweds”. God created them and “Because woman came out of man, he was incomplete without her, and she was incomplete without him. Thus, they had the urge to merge! This was God’s idea. What a great romantic. Afterall, he could have had them reproduce by rubbing noses! …The creator of sex intended for His creatures to enjoy it.”

6) Building Bridges:

• Reopen clogged lines of communication.
  • Nagging is an irksome way to communicate.
  • Talk don’t scold. He needs your ear, not your mouth.
  • Listen to him, really listen. Show undivided attention when he’s talking.

In my last year of high school, as a Homemaking Project. I had to budget, shop, and prepare a three-course meal at home for my family and then write a report. My mom kept trying to tell me how, what, and when to do various aspects of the project. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. “Mom! Please!” I yelled. “I’m eighteen years old. Let me make my own mistakes!”

• After I married Bill, I realize I treated him like my mother. He is not a child. He is a grown man and even if I disagree with him, I need to let him make his own mistakes.

Morgan says the Total Woman has the power to:

• Revive romance! (get rocks out of your mattress)
• Reestablish communication. Plan the time and atmosphere, don’t bombard him when he first gets home, or while he’s in the middle of a ball game he’s been waiting to see.
• Breakdown barriers. Express your emotions gently in words, not in rants and not in tears.
• Turn the fizzle into sizzle! Remember, you set the mood.

Her claim that you can expect to see instant results in your marriage within twenty-four hours or less actually works. If you make the effort. (Keep in mind some men have anger issues and need counseling.)

• Get the book and read it with an open mind.
• Dare to complete the assignments using her principles found in the book.
• As you apply these principles note the changes you see in your spouse. Enjoy making him happy.

I’m not always the Total Woman I want to be.

• I still find myself nagging and tearful or angry. But overall, these principles always draw me back to a state of love and affection for my husband. I pray they will for you too.

I want to end with this quote from Marabel Morgan, “A total woman is a person in her own right. She has a sense of personal security, and self-respect. She is not afraid to be herself. Others may challenge her standards, but she knows who she is and where she is going.”

This may seem old fashioned advice, but don’t let society decide for you who you are.

Remember wherever you are you are at the right place when you come to my website and read my blog. Come on back and share a slice of life with me.

The post FIFTY WAYS TO KEEP YOUR LOVER: BE A QUEEN appeared first on Shelia Shook.

For the past few decades, being a homemaker went out of style, but I’m happy to note we’re seeing a comeback. In her book, The Art of Homemaking. (1967) Daryl V. Hoole uses the analogy of the homemaker being a diamond with many facets. Perhaps today’s wives and mothers are searching for that fulfilling role in their marriage.

As I’ve said before in Love the Things They Love, I took four years of homemaking in high school. Bill worked full time and I didn’t. At least not outside the home, so it made sense that I would see homemaking as a “Professional” career. Thus, I sewed and baked, cooked, cleaned did laundry, and ironed. I also managed the check book and the bills and the taxes, and the shopping. I was a Scout leader a Sunday School teacher and a crafter. It was nice for a while, but after a few years, I grew tired of the daily grind—folding the same laundry and washing the same dishes, as I’d done the day before.

My Dad’s new wife, Debbie heard the exasperation in my complaints and gave me this wonderful resource that brought back the joy I’d been missing. At first, I balked at reading it, but Hoole’s book held compelling testimony that being a homemaker didn’t have to be drudgery or feel confining. Reading it brought excitement and motivation.

We can forget the words housekeeper and housewife.

We can find glory in being a homemaker. Hoole notes that the Ideal Homemaker has at least 20 facets, giving each facet its own chapter in her book. Here are just a few from her list that helped me:

The Three A’s: 1) a good Attitude; 2) a pleasing Appearance; 3) an energetic Ambition.

“The Ideal Homemaker is lovely to look at and lovely to be around.” She applies “the law that how one feels emotionally is how one feels physically.”

4) She is a companion who merits appreciation and cooperation from her husband; 5) a woman who seeks divine guidance; 6) who is well-balanced and 7) has a sense of humor.

Hoole’s list of facets remind me of the Virtuous Woman

Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. :11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. :12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

:25 “Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. :26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom and in her tongue is the law of kindness. :27 She looketh well to the ways of her household and eateth not the bread of idleness. :28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.”

Like diamonds, God has made us to shine. Each is unique, and with additional facets of our own— if we are willing to develop them. I know I’m continually searching for new facets to help me reflect the light of Christ and be the multifaceted diamond, I was created to be.

However, diamonds get dirty, and the shine is dulled. It’s an ongoing task to keep mine clean and polished. Sometimes, I don’t even realize it has gotten dull. Does your diamond need polishing? Does it let in light and reflect beauty?

What unique facets does your diamond hold?

Wherever you are, you are at the right place when you visit my website and read my blog. Come on back and share a slice of life with me.

The post FIFTY WAYS TO KEEP YOUR LOVER: BE A DIAMOND appeared first on Shelia Shook.

While laying around for a month without energy, I reviewed my life. I thought of the books and people who influenced me when I was growing up, as well as when I was in the throes of life, raising kids, paying bills. and especially during times of marital joy and heartache.

I thought about the Sugar and Spice Blog posts.  Although the Fifty Ways to Keep Your Lover series has been a beautiful trip down memory lane for me, it is my goal to finish the series in the next few months. I hope you gain understanding through the experiences I share.

We all need resources

I can’t emphasize enough how much help I’ve gained along the way and I want to recommend the resources I found useful through the years. You know already that I have discovered the Bible is not only a resource, but a companion. I’ve learned so much about myself and life through reading it, but other sources of insight came from books I discovered back in the late seventies. I don’t know where my marriage would be without the insight of these four women and their books:

• The TOTAL Woman, by Maribel Morgan
• The Art of Homemaking, by Daryl V. Hoole
• Disciplines of a Beautiful Woman, by Anne Ortlund
• Fascinating Womanhood, by Helen Andelin

Each of these books served to encourage and teach me how to manage my life, my marriage, home, and family. I must warn you, however, the Women’s Liberation Movement considered these books backward thinking.  I may not agree with every word, but still, even in the face of ridicule and controversy, I stand by the concepts taught in them. They are definitely Biblical, and I must say they were of utmost help to me.

The Women’s Liberation Movement was going strong when I was in high school. Their goal was to free women from the oppression of male dominance. I don’t understand why women aren’t granted equality. I believe women deserve to receive the same salary and recognition in the workplace if they can do the work. However, in the seventies, women were going on strike at home. Laundry piled up and dishes weren’t done. The movement confused a lot of men. They didn’t know whether to open the door for their date and let her pay the bill or take the risk of being a gentleman.

I was a country girl and grew up a tomboy. If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, you’ve heard the stories of my changing flats, chopping wood, and milking pigs (yes pigs). When I married, I was happy to be a lady and be free of what I thought of as man’s work. I welcomed a man to open the door for me and change my flat.

Over the next several weeks as we conclude the Fifty Ways to Keep Your Lover series, I’d like to share some of the most meaningful tips I learned from these books and how they helped our marriage make it fifty years plus. So, search these titles or check them out at the Library. Let me know what you think. Where do you stand in today’s Feminist Movement?

Remember wherever you are, you are at the right place when you visit my website and read my blog. Come on back and share a slice of life with me.

The post FIFTY WAYS TO KEEP YOUR LOVER: Resources I Stand By appeared first on Shelia Shook.

I loathe the idea of being unfaithful.

I told Bill about this new guy at work who I enjoyed laughing and eating lunch with during weekly meetings, how I enjoyed the extra attention he gave me. I “told on” myself to keep me accountable. I love my husband and recognized I was flirting with danger and stepped away from spending time with my colleague.

I believe a marriage vow is more than a lightly made pinky promise.

When we stand before witnesses in a marriage ceremony, we pledge ourselves to our beloved and to God. God is not just a witness; He is a third party to the union. Like a two-stranded rope is stronger than a single strand, when the temptation comes against your marriage, if you and your spouse stand together, you can resist the enemy.

But a three-stranded rope is even stronger. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

God is our third strand. He’s always there, always seeing our actions and He always knows our thoughts. (Psalms 139). He protects us from ourselves if we commit to Him as well as to each other. Commitment is more meaningful when you know the other party has your best interest at heart. That requires trust. Our nature is to distrust other people because we know they are fallible, but we can be assured God has our best interest at heart.

Remember, wherever you are, you are at the right place when you visit my website and read my blog. Come on back and share a slice of life with me.

The post FIFTY WAYS TO KEEP YOUR LOVER # 25 BE FAITHFUL appeared first on Shelia Shook.

Respect your differences

We are all different, and yet the same in many ways. Bill and I are quite different. I am an extrovert; Bill is an introvert. I am loud; he is quiet, soft spoken. Though we are different, our differences complement one another. I’ve learned to tone it down a bit, and he has learned to open up a bit.

Respect one another’s things

Even a fried pie.

When we’d only been married a few years, I was cleaning out the refrigerator, again. (An Onion, Beer and Broken Crayons) and came across Bill’s left-over fried peach pie from KFC. Rather than just throw it out, I tasted it. It was still quite good—not too dry and not soggy. Mmm, just right. So, like Goldilocks, I ate it.

Little did I know that while at work, Bill remembered he still had it in the refrigerator. When he came home, first thing he did was open the refrigerator.

With his head still in the fridge, he asked, “Where’s my peach pie?”  

I stopped stirring the spaghetti sauce and stared blankly as it bubbled. I made a face. Ugh.

He shut the refrigerator door and turned to look at me. I felt his eyes boring into the back of my head.

“It’s been in there a week.” I finally said, stirring the sauce and turning off the stove as I turned to face the music.

“And? You threw it out.”

I could have left it at that, but when I didn’t answer, he started laughing. “Oh, I see. You ate it.” I’m sure he read the guilt on my face.

You’d think I would have learned from the onion and beer, but this peach pie could have been spoiled, it had been in the fridge at least a week. I figured if he wanted it he would have had by now. But Bill had looked forward to coming home to that peach pie all day only to find out I had eaten it. I think throwing it out wouldn’t have been better than my eating it. That was another mistake I’ve never heard the end of.

Today, it is common for us to refer to that peach pie when we are stepping into the other’s territory. Even the other day, I finished off the left-over chicken tenders and it was Peach Pie all over again! Again, he’d looked forward to eating it. We laugh about it, of course, and never mind the times he has eaten the last cookie or drank the last soda or finished off the carton of ice cream. However, when we think about it, we try to give the other the option to have the last.

Respect one another’s feelings

Communicating our feelings is not always easy, but it is paramount in keeping your love strong. We tend to speak in different languages. Men usually equate love with respect. They tend to give gifts rather than words. Women on the other hand, are emotionally wired and want to hear the words, feel the affection. Most men are analytical. They think in facts, with numbers. Whereas most women think with their tuition, their feelings, their heart.

Have you found it easy or hard to show or give respect to your spouse? To their time and their things? Please share your story with us. How you embraced your differences or how you disrespect has affected you or your spouse’s relationship.

The post FIFTY WAYS TO KEEP YOUR LOVER #24: GIVE RESPECT appeared first on Shelia Shook.

Every marriage should be a Covenant Marriage, but only three states in the USA: Arkansas, Arizona and Louisiana actually issue a Covenant Marriage license, making divorce in these states more difficult. Entering a marriage with the option for divorce is not a true commitment. Marriage has become less of a pledge and more of a show; an excuse to have a huge expensive party; to be the Princess with her Prince Charming.

There is a new TV reality series now where you don’t see one another until the wedding. Arranged marriages take place all over the world and have for centuries. In this game, you don’t even know what the person looks like until you are at the altar. My problem with this television game of marriage, is you each enter the ceremony knowing if you don’t want to stay married after a period of time, you can divorce/annul the marriage. This is like prenuptial agreements and I think both are a dishonor to marriage. Don’t make the wedding vows a lie, a broken promise, before the vows are even taken.

Are you saying: “I promise to love and cherish until I change my mind?”

What does it mean to honor? If you want to honor your marriage, you can do so by keeping your commitment to your spouse and to God.

Do you honor God, your marriage, and your spouse by respect, encouragement, compassion and faithfulness? If you didn’t make your vows in a covenant between yourself, your spouse, and God, it is not too late. Renew your wedding vows–this time include God for a covenant relationship.

Remember, wherever you are, you are at the right place when you visit my website and read my blog. Come on back and share a slice of life with me.

The post FIFTY WAYS TO KEEP YOUR LOVER #23 Honor Marriage appeared first on Shelia Shook.

Dusty Springfield sings:

The look of love is in your eyes

The look your smile can’t disguise.

The look of love
Is saying so much more than
Just words could every say
And what my heart has heard
Well, it takes my breath away… (Written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David)

What a powerful song. I remember that look of love and it is indescribable. It’s when the smile in his eyes says more than the smile on his lips. This song was popular when Bill and I first began to share that spark of love. You know the spark you experience with the accidental brush of hands. Or when he leans into your personal space to reach around you. The feel of his breath in your hair when he whispers in your ear during church.

The English language is lacking. We use the same word, love, to describe the way we feel about everything from the love for our dog as for chocolate. Love for grandmother as gardenias. The Love for God or the color blue. The love of a man for a woman. The writer of Proverbs 30:18-19 says:  There are three things too wonderful for me, four that I cannot understand: The way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship at sea, and the way of a man with a woman. How do you describe the love of a man and woman?

Mysterious and beautiful. It’s a relationship like no other.

Bill and I married in April at the end of my senior year of high school. With one month to go before graduation, we stayed at a motel in Humble, Texas and Bill drove back and forth to Galveston where he worked. Each morning, I watched him drive North up the feeder road and take the U-turn. I waited and watched for him to come back up the South bound side of the freeway where we waved goodbye as he entered Highway 59 to make the seventy-mile drive one way to Galveston so I could finish school. That’s the look of love.

Believe me, that month was a very trying time. But our little habit of waving has stayed with us all these years. I still wave Bill off when he leaves me. And he waves me off when I leave him. Mistletoe even grew in the tree that hung over our back door. We joked that it was because we always kissed goodbye under that tree.

It’s not always easy to keep the habit.

I might be busy when he leaves or he’s in the middle of a ball game when I leave. But we still walk each other to the car and kiss goodbye. We wait for the other to pull away and turn the corner. When I leave, I watch him in the rearview mirror, waiting, and as I turn, I roll my window down, and look back. There he is standing, even in drizzle rain, and we wave. That’s the look of love.

Sometimes, I catch him watching me even as I often watch him, thinking how handsome he still is, even at 75. That’s the look of love.

When you spot each other across a crowded room and smile as you make eye contact, and without a word, know what the other is thinking. That’s the look of love.

When someone sees you, really sees you, and loves you anyway, that’s the look of love.

Jesus loves us like that. When He looked down from the cross and saw the people who had crucified Him, He said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” That’s the look of love.

What does love look like to you? Do you have your own examples? Please share them in the comment section below. It would be great to hear about your look of love.

Remember, wherever you are you are, you are at the right place when you come to my website and read my blog. Come on back and share a slice of life with me.

The post FIFTY WAYS TO KEEP YOUR LOVER #22 THE LOOK OF LOVE appeared first on Shelia Shook.

My friend, Emily, says when she and her husband, Steve, were dating, she honestly thought he could, and should, run for President of the United States someday. With the upcoming Presidential election, I thought this story appropriate. Regardless who you vote for, you must admit being the wife of a president is a big deal too. But then…

I’ll let you read her story for yourself:

The day of Bill Clinton’s first inauguration was January 20, 1993. I’d been dating Steve just over a year. Head over heels in love, etc.  He was a Navy fighter pilot who had finished first in his Top Gun class and completed a tour in the first Gulf War; a commercial airline pilot with American Air Lines, but still flying F14’s part-time. He was an economics and military science double major from the University of Texas that knew all about the government and politics. He was a gentleman with a good sense of humor. Dick Cheney and a couple of others from the Bush administration were family friends. So, my thoughts about his future presidency weren’t entirely delusional, lol.

The guy I worked for at the time had Clinton’s inauguration on the television in his office all day. I was in his office working on something and stopped to watch with him. At some point, as we’re watching the parade, I said to Paul, “I actually think Steve could be President someday.” Paul, who knew Steve, seemed amused by that thought. Then I swear, not five minutes later, the commentator of the parade said something about Hillary and how proud she must be of her husband. “Just think of all the young women out there today watching this and thinking that one day their husband might be president.”

Paul got quite a kick out of the coincidental comment. I felt humbled, but a bit confused at the same time. I remember thinking:  No really. Steve has what it takes.

Steve and I married two years later. And, though happily married, I slowly began to realize that Steve just wasn’t going to be the guy that walked through a crowd, smiling, shaking hands, and kissing babies. Finally, after we’d been married a couple years, we were talking about politics one day and I made another comment about his future political career. He just looked at me and said, “But I don’t want to be president.”  

And that was it.

I’m pretty sure my big thoughts of designing Christmas at the White House fought long and hard before agreeing to let go.  

Though I am pragmatic and rational, I am a creative, and do tend to have big (at times borderline grandiose) thoughts. Mostly for myself. But some for Steve too.  This was before I’d learned you can’t have thoughts like that for other people. I have also learned that we cannot depend on our spouses for 100% of our happiness and fulfillment; especially not from our expectations of them.

Prince Charming rescuing the Princess

Emily’s story is more typical than one might think. At least, her expectations were more updated than mine. Having been a daydreamer with strong fantasies of Prince Charming rescuing the Princess, I wanted and expected a strong, Knight in Shining Armor to whisk me away from my troubles. I expected my husband to be Prince Charming. When I married Bill, I had a load of baggage I wanted him to carry, and I wanted him to carry me too. Like a Cinderella story, I wanted someone to be my happy-ever-after—to make me happy.

…expecting anyone to be responsible for my happiness was too much to ask.

We were only married about seven years when the school counselor suggested we seek family counseling. Our blended family was taking a toll on us and our children. We found a Christian counselor, Mrs. Lavonia Duck, and we all thought she was wonderful. She really made you think about life and could help you understand yourself and others. Not only did her sessions help our children adjust, she helped me realize that expecting anyone to be responsible for my happiness was too much to ask.

Bill had his own baggage to carry, his own happiness to manage. “No one can be responsible for your happiness but you,” she said, adding that my expectations of Bill were too great. She suggested we each find what made us happy and then share that happiness with one another.

I’d been waiting for Bill to give up his time with clients to make me happy.

For him to do the things I wanted or needed done. But I really just wanted his attention. He was expecting me to take on the household and parenting so he could concentrate on building his clientele which he enjoyed, and admittedly we all benefited from.

I became aware of what I found interesting and pursued it. I watched the news and sports which gave me something to discuss with Bill. He began sharing his day with me and introduced me to clients and their wives.

I began to be more independent and found the self-confidence I’d lost.

As a result, I stopped waiting on Bill to do the things I knew how to do around the house and in the yard. When I wanted the furniture moved, I moved it myself, and I rehung the clothesline when it broke. If I wanted Chinese food, I took myself out to eat. I went to the matinee in the middle of the day all by myself or I’d take the kids to the drive-in theatre when Bill worked late. We’d go fishing or crabbing on Saturday mornings or play ball in the field next door. We quit waiting on him to make us happy.  

I went to college and the kids helped me study as we did our homework together. Bill and I discussed sports and national issues, and I discovered I had the confidence to debate. And best of all, we all learned to laugh again. Bill’s time away wasn’t so hard on the children or on our marriage. We each developed independent joy which we could then share.

Love isn’t being someone’s happiness…

Love is sharing someone’s happiness. It’s sharing their joys and their burdens. Remember Bill’s formula for a happy marriage? I Corinthians 12:26 “And whether one member suffers, all the members suffer with it;” –and rejoice with them when the other is rejoicing.

Are you expecting someone else to be your happiness? Or to share your happiness. Perhaps, you are the one expected to be someone else’s happiness. That’s a heavy responsibility, and unchecked, it can cause disappointment and resentment, and will rob you of the true joys in your marriage.

Please comment below and share your own story.

Remember, wherever you are, you are at the right place when you come to my website and read my blog. Come on back and share a slice of life with me.

The post FIFTY WAYS TO KEEP YOUR LOVER #21Great Expectations appeared first on Shelia Shook.

And in this Corner . . .

Once we were visiting friends and they had a set of real boxing gloves. Those things are very heavy. Bill and I were goofing off in their front yard and they coaxed me into a play fight with Bill. Of course, taller, and stronger, he quickly got the upper hand. He put his big paw on my head like you see in cartoons and held me at a distance while I swung at the air. Everyone laughed. Those gloves were so heavy I could barely lift them. Gravity kept dragging my swing down. Bill bopped me lightly on the head, bounced back on the balls of his feet, giving me time to catch my breath, then he would spring forward and bop me on top of the head again. And again, and again.

I was ready to throw in the towel before the famous “first bell”. I tried to get those heavy things off my hands and step away from Bill at the same time. It wasn’t easy. Finally, I gathered all my muster and swung up with both hands hoping to sling the boxing gloves off and push Bill back at the same time. But POW! I gave him a full swing uppercut right in the face. His eyes watered and he laughed. I threw the gloves onto the ground and ran across the street while everyone roared. Bill crossed the street after me and as he got near me, I shrieked. “Bill, your bleeding.”

and the winner is….

He swiped his nose on his sleeve and saw the bright red streak. He looked at me and grinned. He still had his gloves on, so I pinched his nose to stop the bleeding. Once the bleeding stopped, he draped his heavy gloved hand over my shoulders and rubbed his nasty face in my hair. Grossed out, I wrinkled my nose and tried to pull away, but he nuzzled my neck and we walked back across the street to our cheering friends. Someone raised my hand and declared me the winner. I didn’t feel like a winner. I told everyone how I‘d wanted to throw in the towel, to quit, but they gave me credit for the win anyway.

Its been a joke in our family for all these years and Bill swears I broke his nose that day. I guess my focus on getting those gloves off and stopping Bill’s repeated onslaught together with the upward swing and the momentum it gave the heavy gloves combined to give me the victory.

Bill had been right. I didn’t know my own strength. Sometimes we are too quick to give up. Sometimes focus is your strength to stay in for all fifty “rounds” and more. Even though we fumble and stumble and want to quit, God can turn it into a win. “Don’t box like one beating the air” I Cor. 9:26. Focus, don’t lose sight of the goal.

Don’t throw in the towel. You are stronger than you think.

Wherever you are, you are in the right place when you come to my website and read my blog. Come on back and share a slice of life with me.

The post FIFTY WAYS TO KEEP YOUR LOVER #14 FOCUS appeared first on Shelia Shook.

These fifty ways are not in any kind of order, but if I were to prioritize this list, laughter would be among the top ten. My last two blogs reflect the gravity we dealt with in our marriage, and lest you think we didn’t laugh, I want to share a fun story.

The first years of our marriage were always so serious as we tried to impress one another. Bill is seven years older than me, which meant his friends were also older. I didn’t want to appear childish or immature and he wanted to be the responsible adult I could depend on to provide for me and our two children. Though he’d said he married me, so I’d keep him young I was an instant mother and felt pressure to act mature. It had been a long time since I’d had the courage to let go and be silly, but our lives had become too serious. We needed to laugh again—to remember the days before things began to slide downhill.

I was a nervous wreck waiting for him to come home. I’d planned a surprise. The kids sat at the kitchen table and dinner waited ready on the stove when I heard his Mustang pull into the drive. My heart raced and I couldn’t stop grinning. Cindy giggled and little Billy squealed. They knew my plan. It was something they’d experienced firsthand, and though they hated it, it always brought them a belly laugh. I was such a prude I was sure Bill would never expect it from me. But how would react?

He came in the back door and as usual gave me a kiss as I stood at the stove. I put my arms around his waist and hugged him closely. Amorously I ran my hands up and down his back and watched his face. He wiggled his dark brows and grinned. Then, in one swift motion, I reached below his Levi waist band to catch the elastic of his BVD’s and jerked upward as hard and fast as possible. He was looking down at me and I’d love to have a picture of his face. I tried to back away, but he held me firmly. Mischief in his eyes, he chuckled. Amidst squeals of laughter all around, he let me squirm free and I backed away, wary of my payback.

“No, no, no!” I shrieked and took off running. Laughter filled the kitchen and the kids followed me, jumping up and down, clapping their hands and cheering us on. I ran through the house to the bathroom and locked the door.

“Payback is com–ing,” Bill’s singsong baritone sounded from a distance, making me snicker.

“I’m just trying to keep you young,” I reminded him through the closed bathroom door. No response, I could hear Billy and Cindy’s muffled giggles. Then all was silent. I waited. My ear to the door, I listened, trying to suppress my own giggles.

BANG! I jumped. The doorknob rattled. I laughed hilariously, nervously, not knowing what to expect my payback to be. Then, suddenly, the door flew open and he had me.

We laughed so hard I doubled over, and Bill’s deep laugh rolled like thunder. He carried me to the living room sofa where the children hooted and howled as they joined him in tickling me till I cried.

Whenever you feel like life is pulling you down, plan a silly surprise. Laughter, it’s great for the soul. (From Proverbs 17:22)

Remember wherever you are, you are at the right place when you come to my website and read my blog. Come on back and share a slice of life with me.

Don’t forget to leave your comments and share with your friends.

The post ENJOY LAUGHTER appeared first on Shelia Shook.