{"id":2315,"date":"2021-12-21T07:50:00","date_gmt":"2021-12-21T07:50:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sheliashook.com\/?p=2315"},"modified":"2021-12-21T08:04:41","modified_gmt":"2021-12-21T08:04:41","slug":"dealing-with-loss-at-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sheliashook.com\/2021\/12\/21\/dealing-with-loss-at-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with Loss at Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
Holidays are a hard time for people who have lost a loved one. How have you handled your loss so far this year?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
December 14th<\/sup> marked the 25th<\/sup> anniversary of my daughter Cindy\u2019s death. (See previous post, A Single Flower<\/a>.) She unexpectedly died in a car wreck at thirty-years-old. Looking back, I can see God\u2019s hand in it as Cindy got to go on to heaven and we got to raise her two beautiful daughters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When Cindy was a teenager, my husband told her he hoped she grew up to have two kids just like her. And she did. Only she skipped out on those teen years and his wish came back on us. LOL<\/p>\n\n\n\n I can laugh about it now. The girls are grown, and we are so proud of them. But when Cindy had her wreck, my last vision of her was on a hospital bed with a head injury. I held her hand and cleaned the blood from under her nails.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I have to shake off that sad memory and remember her hands delivering Great Dane puppies or grooming her horse. Or the way her eyes lit up with mischief when placing a thumb-sized beetle on her brother\u2019s ear while he slept on our way home from his bootcamp graduation in Kentucky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As a hospice nurse, I have a lot of families and patients who don\u2019t want to talk about death and dying. Some don\u2019t know what happens to them after death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Moma’s hope was in Christ. She had confidence in her belief that trusting in Him brought opportunity to see loved ones again. She knew she was going to heaven to see her Jesus, her parents and siblings, and my Cindy. But she worried about leaving us kids behind. (Moma’s Last Days<\/a>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Moma died at eighty-six in the spring of twenty-nineteen. Cindy\u2019s death was unexpected, but Moma knew her death was getting close. She had time to talk about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The fall before she died, she and I were sitting in her room watching the squirrels play in the big oak trees in the courtyard outside her window. We laughed. She got so tickled at their antics and I got tickled at her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Suddenly, she got really quiet and without turning to look at me, she said, \u201cShelia what will you do when I\u2019m gone. And don\u2019t say not to talk that way either because you know the day is coming.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Stunned at the sudden change of mood, I didn\u2019t know what to say. I watched her as she sat in her wheelchair rocking back and forth, still looking out the window.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell, mom,\u201d I said. \u201cI will probably come to this room and look out this window and remember how we watched the squirrels and laughed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n She turned to me then. \u201cWould you?\u201d she said with excitement. \u201cOh Shelia, please remember me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOf course, I will,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cI\u2019ll sit on the pier and remember how you and I broke Bill\u2019s rule of catch and release and ate his last big catfish.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n “Oh, he was mad, too.” she said. Then she smiled and added, “Thank you, Shelia. I needed to hear that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I recently had the opportunity to go back to mom\u2019s room and look out at the courtyard. I remembered our conversation and smiled. There were no squirrels that day, but my heart was full of joy. I thought of how tickled she had been and how important it was to her to be remembered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some people take flowers to the cemetery. The way I handle my loss by remembering my loved ones on purpose. I think of things they\u2019ve done or said; eat the foods they liked, go to places we shared. Make a scrapbook or memory board of fun pictures, even magazine pictures that make me think of them. I listen to or sing their favorite songs. I\u2019d put puppies on my memory board and a horse. A catfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And deviled eggs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Moma loved deviled eggs and one Easter, she had eaten a few when my husband Bill said, \u201cNow mom if you keep eating deviled eggs, you aren\u2019t going to want any of this ham I\u2019m fixing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n She gave him a \u201clook\u201d and backed her wheelchair away from the eggs. However, it wasn\u2019t long before she was wheeling herself back toward them saying, \u201cCreepin\u2019 around. Just an old woman creepin\u2019 around.\u201d All the while watching Bill out of the corner of her eye. Ever since, someone always brings deviled eggs to our family functions. And inevitably, someone will say \u201ccreepin\u2019 around.\u201d It is a fun memory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Honestly, I cry sometimes, too. It\u2019s okay to cry. To be sad, to miss those who are gone. But above all smile, laugh, and remember them. Remember the good things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I want to thank you all for the privilege of sharing my stories with you and hope this post helps you find peace to deal with loss this Christmas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember wherever you are, when you come to my website and read my blog, you are at the right place. Come on back and share a slice of life with me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Share with us how you manage loss.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Holidays are a hard time for people who have lost a loved one. How have you handled your loss so far this year? December 14th marked the 25th anniversary of my daughter Cindy\u2019s death. (See previous post, A Single Flower.) She unexpectedly died in a car wreck at thirty-years-old. Looking back, I can see God\u2019s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1277,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"\n Holidays are a hard time for people who have lost a loved one. How have you handled your loss so far this year?<\/p>\n\n\n\nThat was not my Moma.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
She needed to hear she would be remembered.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Everyone wants to be remembered. We all do so differently.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\u00a0However you choose to remember your loved ones, do it with Joy.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n