HOSPICE TIP: Did you know it\u2019s possible for a dying person to will themselves to remain alive longer than is usually expected. Not forever, but for an extended time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A patient may be waiting to say goodbye to someone, or they are holding on, waiting for the resolution of a problem. They may even be in a comatose state, not eating or drinking for weeks, but they won\u2019t let go. This makes it difficult for the family as they watch them waste away. Sometimes it\u2019s a simple matter of loving them enough to give them permission to die.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let me tell you a true love story.\n(The names and circumstances around the situation are changed to protect\npatient privacy.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
LOVE WITH A TWIST<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Gary Gunther sat\nin the recliner, where he usually slept. \u201cI love my wife,\u201d he told me. And I\nsmiled. \u201cI\u2019m not afraid to die,\u201d he said, \u201cbut I worry what will happen to her\nwhen I\u2019m gone. This place is big and there\u2019s so much to do just to maintain it\nmuch less if something breaks down.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Gary spoke more\nto himself than to me, but I listened as he spoke, staring into space.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI guess she\ncould hire someone to mow and fix a leaky faucet or she could put the car in a\nshop if it breaks down, but she doesn\u2019t understand our finances. She\u2019s never\nworked or managed our bills.\u201d He looked up at me, \u201cWhat will happen to her?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, you have\ntwo sons. They will step up and help her,\u201d I said hopefully. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
He chuckled. \u201cI\nguess that\u2019s the logical answer, but those boys have their own problems with\nwork and families. I doubt they\u2019d be interested. No,\u201d he said staring into\nspace again. \u201cshe\u2019ll be on her own. And I worry. I need to set something up, find\nsomeone to help her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI can ask our social\nworker to call you and see if she can assist you. But maybe you could talk to\nyour sons first. They may want to help.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGuess I should\nat least ask, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His wife came\ninto the room and our conversation quickly changed to the puppy she carried in\nher arms. The next week when I returned, Gary Gunther slept through the assessment.\nI couldn\u2019t ask the results of talking to his sons. A few days later, I got a\ncall saying Mr. Gunther was not responding. I made a visit and found him in a\nsemi-comatose state. He hadn\u2019t eaten since my last visit. His feet were a\nmottled blue and cool to the touch. His heart rate over 120. We started him on\noxygen, but I knew he was actively dying. I comforted the wife and caregiver\nand suggested the family be called in to say their goodbyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Over the next few\nweeks, the sons and their wives came, taking turns staying and helping their\nmother care for Mr. Gunther. Friends and family drifted in and out bringing\nfood and offering their condolences for the pending loss. But Mr. Gunther ate nothing,\nand his sweet wife ate only bites. One morning Mrs. Gunther and I sat together\nwith her sons and pastor at the kitchen table. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHow long can he\ngo without food or water?\u201d Mrs. Gunther asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I glanced into\nthe living room at her husband laying in the hospital bed. \u201cUsually only about\nfourteen days.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen why does\nhe keep hanging on?\u201d She asked. \u201cI can\u2019t bear to watch him dwindle into a skeleton.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe spirit\u2019s\ncontrol over the body is a mystery,\u201d their pastor answered. \u201cIs there anyone he\nmay be waiting for to say goodbye?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The family\ndiscussed various possibilities and made a few phone calls. Over the next few\ndays, a brother the patient hadn\u2019t seen in over ten years flew in from out of\nstate. A close cousin talked to him while they held the phone to his ear. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I came in for\nanother visit and again we sat at the table and marveled at how long he had\ngone without eating or drinking. Over twenty days. It occurred to me he was\nworried about leaving his wife and I recounted our earlier conversation to them.\n\u201cHave you told him it\u2019s okay to go? That you\u2019ll be okay?\u201d I asked her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes, yes, I\u2019ve\ntold him I\u2019m fine he needs to go on to heaven.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked at his\nchildren. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHave you told him\nit\u2019s okay to die?\u201d The two sons looked at one another, and the younger man shook\nhis head ever so slightly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI can\u2019t do that,\u201d\nthe oldest son replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou can. You\nneed to tell him it\u2019s okay and reassure him you will take care of his wife.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOf course, I will,\nshe\u2019s my mother.\u201d Indignant, he turned from me, and looked across the room at\nhis unconscious dad lying in the hospital bed set in the middle of his parent\u2019s\nliving room. \u201cHe knows that.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I gently touched\nhis arm. \u201cBut maybe he needs to hear you say it.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s why he\u2019s\nholding on?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI can\u2019t be\ncertain, but I believe so.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The man took a\ndeep breath, moved to the bedside, and spoke to his father. We watched his big shoulders\nshake as his tears flowed. At last, mother and sons stood at the bedside arm in\narm, all reassuring the patient that his wife would be cared for and it was\nokay to go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That night Mr.\nGunther passed peacefully in his sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Have you ever had to tell someone you love that it\u2019s okay to leave? Imagine if you had to say, \u201cIt\u2019s Okay to Die.\u201d What a hard thought to imagine saying to your loved one. But true love requires unselfish acts of kindness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Remember wherever you are in life, you are always at the right place when you visit my website and read my BLOG. Come on back and share a slice of life with me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Go to my BANTER to ask questions or share your story. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
HOSPICE TIP: Did you know it\u2019s possible for a dying person to will themselves to remain alive longer than is usually expected. Not forever, but for an extended time. A patient may be waiting to say goodbye to someone, or they are holding on, waiting for the resolution of a problem. They may even be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1277,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[38],"tags":[20,15,13],"yoast_head":"\n