I don’t mean to imply with this blog that my relationship with Bill is perfect. Far from it. But we do love each other and so we work around our disagreements. For instance, Bill likes to build, and I’ve got a thing about straight lines. I’m like: “That board looks crooked.” “Doesn’t that look off to you?” And like I don’t understand why he has to twist-tie the trash bags and not just tie the top in a knot? He could be offended because I correct him or complain he didn’t do something or other right. But he just gives me that look. You know, the one that says, “Really?”

Boy, what a Nag I am.

Unfortunately, we both are nags. He’s like, “You have a pair of shoes in every room.” “You have a nest of papers and books wherever you sit.”

It isn’t just what we say, but how we say it that creates a battle out of a comment. Our attitudes mean the most.

Many years ago, when Bill was late to work, he would wake up frustrated because he had to rush. I had the alarm clock on my side of the bed and would forget to set it or would hit snooze one too many times. Of course, that made it my fault he was late, and between his frustration and my guilt, it always ruined our day. We had to find a solution. Finally, one morning we woke up late and he was rushing around complaining how I’d let him sleep late again. This time I didn’t defend myself or argue, I just simply agreed.

“I am so sorry, honey. I know you hate it, and I hate it for you. You are right. I’m doing a terrible job at this.” I unplugged the alarm and while he dug a pair of socks out of his dresser, I moved it to his side of the bed and plugged it in. “I know you will do a much better job than me.”

 He looked at me and scoffed, but reluctantly agreed. After that, he was responsible for getting himself out of bed. And I must say he did a marvelous job.

I did something similar when our checking account began to overwhelm me. I pointed out he is much more math-minded and organized than me. “I’m such a scatterbrain,” I said with a laugh.

He laughed and agreed. When he took over, and could see where the money was going, we stopped arguing about it and my stress relief was phenomenal. Be aware though, once you give a job away, you can’t take it back unless it is mutually agreed upon. Remember, each of us has skills, talents, abilities to do certain things. Match the job with the person who has the most skill to do that job. If you are both equally matched, do it together, or take turns.

Bill and I know neither of us is perfect. We also know if we want to make each other happy, we can’t be finding fault in one another.

1. Choose Your Battles: I mean, is it really important whether you tie or twist the garbage bag? Somethings, you just have to let go. Think first, “Is this issue worth a battle?”
2. Don’t keep a record of wrongs. Don’t rattle off a laundry list of past wrongs every time you disagree on something.
3. Fight Fair. Don’t put each other down whether you are alone or with others. Don’t Dishonor one another. Allow each other to “save face”. Don’t you hate to be around a couple when one is dogmatic with the other? Recognize what is important to your spouse and respect that. Remember, showing respect is another word for love.
4. Give in sometimes. Must you always be right? Must you always win? It’s coping with the little things that help us build trust and love for when bigger things—things maybe worth a battle—arise.
5. Don’t enjoy the reward of winning at the expense of your spouse’s feelings. Otherwise, you may win the battle but lose the war.

Over the years, I’ve learned to put away my shoes because I realized how important it is to Bill. And, he now asks me, “Is this straight?” because he knows it will drive me crazy if it’s not. However, I can’t seem to conquer the papers and books I still leave in my favorite spots, but every so often my eyes are opened, and I see what he sees, and I clean up my nests.

We still have some things around our house that are a little off set, but I’ve learned to live with them. One day they will be a treasure, like the scribbling artwork my four-year-old left in my brand-new family album. Today, they are precious to me. And, someday, when I am no longer around to leave books and papers, Bill will remember that quirk. So, we don’t argue, we cherish our differences . . . when we can.

I Corinthians 13:5,6 says, “It (love) does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

Do you have a special way of dealing with disagreements in your home? Please share with us in the comments section below.

Remember wherever you are, you are at the right place when you visit my website and read my blog. Come on back and share a slice of life with me.

The post FIFTY WAYS TO KEEP YOUR LOVER #’s16–20 Choose Your Battles and Fight Fair appeared first on Shelia Shook.

When under stress we are all prone to have a personality change. Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The Snicker’s candy bar commercial reminds us we aren’t ourselves when we are hungry. The same is true when we are stressed. That’s why it’s always important to try to see life from the perspective of others, to understand why they react as they do.  I’ve a story to share that took me by surprise.

Standing in the checkout line at my local grocery, I watched the clerk, a woman with a scowl on her face, mumble under her breath as she threw groceries across the barcode reader and sent them slamming into each other at the other end. Wow!  Talk about angry. I looked for another line to move to, but the other lines were longer. And I’d already waited so long in this line. I could at least see the checker now. I rolled my eyes at the older woman in line ahead of me. She smirked in agreement. This was not the way to treat customers, but we were stuck. After paying for his groceries, the customer at the register shook his head, grabbed the grocery bag from the sacker, and stormed out the door without a word. Next in line, the gray-haired woman in front of me snarled.

 “I hope you don’t throw my groceries around and break my eggs.”

The checker stared at her then gently took the eggs in an exaggerated effort and rolled the carton in a paper bag, which she then placed into a plastic bag. She left the register and walked the eggs to the woman’s waiting basket. “Happy?” she asked.

Silently, the customer adjusted the purse on her shoulder and huffed.

            The clerk proceeded to toss every other item vehemently across the barcode reader and down the conveyor. Wide-eyed, the woman paid for her groceries and complained to the sacker that she didn’t know if she’d be back with such rude staff. The boy scrunched his face and shrugged his shoulders.

“Need me to take these to your car?”

The gray-haired woman grabbed the wrapped eggs out of the basket. “Yes,” she said, heading for the door and leaving the young man to follow.

I gulped. My turn. As I approached the clerk, she held one hand to her head and stared at the register. Without looking at me, she began to process my order in the same haphazard manner as the two people before me.

“Do you not like your job?” I finally asked.

“Of course, I do,” she snapped back, tossing another can of corn across the reader.

“Then you must be having a really bad day today.”

The checker watched the can of corn roll away from her and collide with a jar of pickles. We both held our breath. Whew, it didn’t break. She looked back at me. Tears filled her eyes.

“I am having a bad day,” she whispered.

“I’m sorry.”

She sniffed and stopped slamming my groceries across the reader. I expected an exaggerated, “Happy?” like she’d given the lady with the eggs, but she never said anything. Tears began to stream down her face as she worked, and I had to ask if she were ok.

She stopped checking and glanced behind me. The other customers had opted for another line. She gave a sad smile and sighed. “I’m the one who should say I’m sorry. It’s just that I have already worked my shift without a break and the manager just told me I have to stay another two hours. My grandfather died last week, and my mom has cancer and is in the hospital, and now I have to find someone to watch my eight-year-old after school.” She wiped her face and glanced around to see if anyone was looking. “I can’t afford to lose my job,” she said and continued to scan the rest of my groceries at a civil pace.

As no one stood in line behind me, I leaned across the counter, took the Closed sign off the side of her register and placed it on the conveyor belt behind me. The clerk again surveyed the area.

“You won’t be able to keep your job if you keep upsetting customers. Besides, you need a break. Ring me up and go call your family and friends and find a sitter for the next two hours.”

I paid for my groceries, then she called the floor supervisor and requested a break. While she made phone calls in a booth at the deli, I picked up a sandwich and chips, which I left at her table. I was rewarded with a smile that lit up her face.

“Thank you.” She stood and hugged me. “My neighbor is going to let Tiffany come over for a few hours until I can a get home. I’m better now.”

“I’m glad. I’ll be praying for you and your mom,” I said reaching for my grocery basket. “I hope your next few hours are better than the last.”

That scenario taught me a lesson in judging. When someone is angry, there is a reason. Maybe all they need is a kind word, like a sweet candy, to calm them down. Proverbs 15:1 says: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Have you ever encountered an angry clerk? Or a puffed-up bus driver? How did you handle it? Have you witnessed how someone else handled the situation? We’d love to hear your story.

Remember wherever you are in life, you are always at the right place when you visit my website and read my blog. Come on back and share a slice of life with me.

Be sure to subscribe to my email and I’ll send you a notice when the next blog is posted.

The post DON’T LET STRESS CHANGE WHO YOU ARE appeared first on Shelia Shook.